Every month…anxiety guaranteed or your money back!

So…my menstrual cycle is really short…25 days on the dot! To make matters worse, my period lasts me 7 full days!

Why should you care?

Ok…it goes something like this…

Step 1: 3-4 days before my period —> anxiety galore! Even my speech is affected. I can’t really keep up with what I’m thinking/feeling so I usually do those “tongue twisters” where I can’t finish a sentence, or have to make a serious effort to pace myself in order to speak clearly. This my friends, brings even more anxiety, because I hate sounding like an idiot! I think a million things. I question a million things! I either don’t finish processing any one of these thoughts or questions, or I will have ongoing compulsive monologues with myself about a very minor thing that wouldn’t have bothered me at a different time in the month.

At one point I even went for speech therapy! OH MY!!! And the therapist is telling me…”But your speech is just fine.” I’m thinking…”What? Listen to me…I have a lisp! My tongue feels tied at times! What do you mean?” She gave me a bunch of stupid exercises to do. I did them religiously for about 2 months on my bumper-to-bumper traffic jam commute to work. Only to realize that the drivers next to me probably thought I was perfecting my fellatio-giving techniques. NOT FUNNY!

Step 2: 1 day before my period and first 3 days during my period —> I feel straight up like a SHITTY psycho maniac! I feel like a worthless amoeba. It doesn’t matter how much things are obviously going right in my life. I will still feel like I am fucking up somehow! Am I doing enough? Am I where I should be? Why did I respond to person X this way? Why in the world does she talk SO MUCH? I can’t take it! I cry! I laugh! I feel anesthesized! I see a very different person in the mirror…

With my little bit of sanity and objectivity, as I am doing all of the above, I know they’re all caused by my CRAZY hormones. But it doesn’t matter…i just want to curl into a ball (of shit) and feel bad for myself.

Step 3: 4th-7th day of my period —> Wow! I can take full breaths again. The sky is suddenly so beautiful, sunny, blue, and shiny! Wow, the girl in the mirror looks HAWWTTTT! I think…”See? i’ve made it through…ONCE AGAIN for the approximately 230th time! I’m sure next month will be better! I got this down to a science! yay!”

Step 4: Period ends to 12-14 days after —> Feeling awesome! Kinda preparing myself for the T – 3 (aka Step 1)…but otherwise…just feeling good, mellow, patient, loving myself, friendly…

Step 5: Step 1 – Lather, Rinse, Repeat!

So for shits and giggles I look up online what ELSE I can do for this monthly emotional rollercoaster that my life has become. IT IS SO EXHAUSTING!

C’mon! I do my part! I practice yoga twice a week, I rock climb twice a week, I pole dance once a week, I exercise at home, I row, I do aerial yoga, etc…I eat very healthy.

WHAT ELSE THE SNAP CAN I DO?

Here is a list that seems to monopolize the recommendations:

“To manage stress and diminish anxiety during your period:

1. Exercise on a regular basis.
2. Eat a well-balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables.
3. Be sure to get enough sleep; seven to eight hours a night is optimal for most people.
4. Minimize your alcohol and caffeine intake.
5. Avoid tobacco.
6. Spend time relaxing with friends and family.
7. Express your thoughts and emotions by writing in a journal.
8. Consider meditation and deep breathing exercises.”

Numbers 1, 2, 3 (sometimes), 5, 6, 7 (well, this BLOG for instance), and 8 ARE ALL UNDER CONTROL.

I do like my coffee. And you know what??? Wine helps me relax so fuck it! I don’t drink it TO relax…but once in a while…for instance…right now, I just had a glass of wine and all of a sudden I feel less anxious. I am currently T – 2!!!

Ok that’s it for now!