Category Archives: Love and Hate

Oblivious Love

(written on: July 17th, 2014)

<I Fink You’re Freaky playing in the background. Meanwhile, I try to catch up with work after 17 days spent on the breathtaking Balearic Island of Mallorca. Silent thoughts to myself.>

Ugh! I can’t focus today!

It must be the jet lag.

Let me check to see which band is playing in town this weekend.

Oh MYYYYYYYYYYYY! I can’t believe it! Die Antwoord is playing this Saturday.

I hope it’s not sold out yet.

Let me text “Sweet guy” and “Golden curls” to see if one of them wants to join me.

<text> Sassi: Hey! Die Antwoord is in town this Saturday!!! Let’s gooooooooooooooooo! I’m going to buy two tickets!

“Golden Curls”: “Yes, I know. I think tickets are not really cheap, but I’m in!”

“Sweet Guy”: Of course I know. I’ve seen them every time they’ve been in town. Unfortunately, I’ll be out of town this weekend for a wedding. Are you looking for tickets? My friend has extra tickets. I so wish I could join you! So jealous!

<Back to enthusiastically thinking to myself.>

Awesome!

I just can’t focus today. How can I accomplish work? Good thing I worked a bit while I was in Spain.

Cigarette time!

I’d better start taking Chantix soon. I must quit…again!

Oh! I’ll just wait for after this weekend. Enjoy myself, and then start the nauseating pills.

<Cookie Thumper blasting in the background.>

I should try to get some work done!

<I get up, go to my bedroom, and start dancing in front of the mirror.>

If “Golden Curls” only knew that I spent two weeks in Mallorca he will not be very happy about it. Especially after Nova Scotia. Yikes. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Besides, I’ve been as transparent as I can with him about how I feel for him. I love him, yes, but as a friend. And for that’s big.

Focus “Sassi”! Work!

I should just give in today. I just can’t focus. And I’m working this Saturday so it’s not that bad.

Why do I feel so spread thin today?

<Throughout this monologue flashes of “Lashes” comes to me and I quickly block them.>

Ugh! I have to stop thinking about this! I’m back home! It’s over!

Whatever!

It’s so good to be back home. Close to friends who know me, and like me, and treat me well.

<Sensations of “Lashes” take over my body.>

Stupid guy! Get out of my head! Ahahahahahahahha Damn it!

<I turned up the music, and danced more in my attempt to shun those unpleasant sensations.>

I’m excited! I’m going to dance like there’s no tomorrow at the show.

I wonder if he is going to go to the Massive Attack show in Barcelona. Oh STOP thinking about this!

<Saturday arrives. I worked in the morning. Then I met my sister and niece at the beach. And then, I headed to “Golden Curls” house to pick him up. He seemed defensively indifferent. But I wasn’t surprised. I had seen that before. Ever since he declared his love for me, or maybe infatuation(?), a few months ago, and I told him I loved him as a friend, I learned that his momentary indifference was his defense mechanism. Oh well…at least this time he wasn’t being mean like other times>

Initially, it was mostly me doing the talk. It was uncomfortable for a split second. But I knew it was going to get better. He told me about all these girls he was either seeing or interested in. I was happy for him. He seemed annoyed at me because of my enthusiasm for his “love” adventures.

We grabbed a beer and some food before going to the show. After the first beer, he started to loosen up and be himself. That is, pleasant, friendly, and relaxed. I thoroughly enjoyed that.

We arrived at the show venue and anxiously awaited for the awesomely creepy artists to go on stage. We really wanted to dance.

We probably had another two beers before the show started. By then, we were hugging, friendly flirting, mutually admiring each other, and just cracking jokes.

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We danced the whole night. Drank more and smoked many cigarettes.

The show ended. We were in an incredibly good mood. We were still pumped. We wanted to dance more so we headed to Zuzu!

We danced really close the whole night. Like…glued together. Face stuck to face as we tried to Salsa to the Beatles and the likes. Interesting to say the least.

Yeah…we were drunk! Really drunk! But still very coordinated and somewhat able to keep a conversation.

In the meantime, I’m still getting lightning visits from “Flashes” in my thoughts. Ugh!

I kept thinking “See? This is it! I’m used to nice people. People who treat me well. Like “Golden Curls”, and all the other friends I have managed to see since I returned from Mallorca. It’s so good to be home.”

“Golden Curls” and I go outside to smoke a cigarette and managed to get into a deep conversation about love, relationships, projections, and his “adoration” for me.

I opened up and said many things I don’t usually tell people about the inner workings of my emotions in romantic relationships.

I told him once again that I loved him. As a friend. But I understood that it was not what he wanted to hear.

I questioned his “adoration” for me. He eloquently described his “love” for me. He was so sweet and so on point. Clearly, he had been spending a lot of time thinking about it. Feeling about it.

He said something about “You’re the whole package! You’re intelligent. You dance. You’re friendly. You’re not fussy. You’re fun. Strong. Beautiful. Hot. And you dance! We have interesting conversations. You’re genuinely interested in what I do. And you’re not even fully aware of just how awesome you are. Or maybe you just don’t make a big deal out of it. And I think it makes you even more awesome. I know you have your issues like you just told me, but they’re so workable. Let me be the man to support you in that…You are the only woman I’m willing to ‘expose’ myself to this point. I just know. I feel very comfortable even though I know you don’t feel the same way. I’ll just keep trying until I’m able to crack in there. Hey, I might get lucky. You are just worth it and I’m not afraid.”

<He said many more truly beautiful things, but I probably don’t remember everything because we were both too drunk.>

As he was saying all those things, I felt truly flattered. I had images of “Lashes” come to me, but focused on “Golden Curls” words like they were a source of positive energy.

I was also thinking how life is full of “desencontros” (mis-encounters?). There I was, in front of a perfectly awesome guy who was sincerely opening his soul to me. But I couldn’t reciprocate the love in the way he desired.

It also dawned on me that he had no clue about the 17 very intense days I had just spent with “Lashes” in Mallorca. A person who I initially thought could be that “blurred face defined in the flesh”, but who continued to push me away. Deliberately. And I, too, pushed him away. <sigh>

Can you imagine the intensity of emotions I was feeling at that very moment of intoxication? I was overwhelmed.

It was absolutely flattering to have somebody like “Golden Curls” tell me the things he did. But Alas! I can’t do much with it…

Densencontros! That is all I can say.

I’ve used this word before, and there really is no good English word to describe it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Fuck YOU – no Fuck ME – wait what?

What the fuck!?

I am having a temporary anger fit! So fuckin’ what? I am human!

What a horrible experience! I keep thinking to myself “I have NEVER met anybody like this…and I don’t mean it in a good way!” What a shitty thing it is.

I am mostly angry and disappointed at myself.

Nothing was learned from this experience…well…it was a very brief experience with no deep impact, but still shitty and unnecessary. Especially, because it was supposed to be a “going back to school to get my PhD, and go through a major life transition” relaxing and fun vacation. That is what bothers me the most about it.

What happened you miserable, selfish, narcissistic, piece of shit motherfucker? Why in this world would you fuck this up for me? I think it is unfair.

I tried my best to alleviate any stupid/childish/fearful idea you had in your head that I thought we could have something more just because we were traveling together.

I tried relieving the pussy-ish sense of pressure that this trip could be causing you in relation to a potential relationship. So, in my mind, there are NO EXCUSES for your continued less-than-ideal behavior.

I told you: “Hey, did you think I was looking for a long term relationship? I am moving to CO? So…no! Let’s just relax and have fun!”.

Also “I’ve always been great at being friends with men. So let’s just hang out. As friends. Really! I do it all the time.”

Not to mention, my attempts at showing I was actually ok.

So FUCK YOU. You BIG FUCKING SPOILED CHILD.

Ok!

Vent over!

Some good things about this experience:

1- I am starting to think and potentially plan my “around the world” trip, where I will attempt to cover 15 countries in most continents. I will plan on finishing my course work for my PhD, passing the examinations, become a PhD candidate, and then heading off for what I think will be a beautiful, life-changing experience. I want to volunteer for people in need in each of these locations (TBD), and live in their shelter and eat with them, and HELP them as much as I can, and allow them to HELP me.

I say this is a good thing coming out of this experience, because the troubled guy is the one who told me about this “around the world” program with airlines. So thank you for that.

2- I took at chance! I went to a place, not close to home, with a complete stranger, who I thought at the time was at least fun to hang out with. It completely sucked. Our experience together was horrible, but Mallorca itself is an amazing place.

3- I put in practice a lot of the things I’ve been working on. I’d say I have made some major progress in “self-contemplation and transformation”. I am happy about it. I am proud of myself. It’s still a work in progress, but I will give myself credit.

It doesn’t mean that I wasn’t “temporarily” hurt, or angry, or disappointed…but it’s the certainty that I feel for having done the right thing despite his best attempts to break me day in and day out. It’s my ability to discern what is his CRAP and what is my CRAP. It’s not taking his direct and indirect offenses personally. It’s understanding that everyone struggles. I certainly do as well. The difference is whether you’re choosing to deal with it or not, or if you just project your BULLSHIT onto people and hurt them…and hurt yourself.

4- It’s in the fact that I keep trying, despite the adversities I’ve encountered (read…shitty men. No….not shitty…just troubled and hurtful).

I’m sure there is more to come out, but this is it for now.

Sassi the Spider (aka <words by the fucked up boy she just met and is done with> The Hot Brazilian Girl) —> Hummm….yeah! Why don’t you fuck yourself!?


Church bells…not wedding bells :-)

The chiming…so soothing…

Embarrassing snores…

The confession…

The caressing…and attempt at physical approximation, with tender kisses.

Then? The pivotal moment!

“Weren’t you just snoring, like, two seconds ago?”

Have I been here before?

Every atom of my body ached. Deeply.

They were pushed into a chaotic motion

Further pushing me into a fleeting moment of deception.

Unbearable!

I wanted to cry

I wanted to say things

I wanted to understand

So, I just got up, poured myself some fermented local grape juice

There was also the music

And then it hit my consciousness

Ouch! What the fuck is this?

What, in this shitty moment just happened?

Utterly unnecessary and childish handling of circumstances

Horrible choice of words.

This is not on me. Without a doubt.

I made my decision at that very moment of clarity!

This is it! I have been working on this for quite a while now.

Put it in practice.

Own your emotions! And suck it the fuck up!

Let him deal with his own!

No attempt at dissecting the complexities of other human experiences and their baggage

Especially when there is not much material to dissect

No words, no feedback, no gestures

Just rushing out of cars and walking…while I try to catch up

Walking into doors as they slam shut on my face, while carrying climbing backpacks

And then…he comes…

Said something I couldn’t hear with all that eardrum damaging music

I pulled one ear piece off, and then I heard…

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?”

Humm…yes, I want to fuckin’ talk about what just happened! You motherfuckin’ childish selfish idiot! <humanly angry, but silent thought to myself>

Instead, there was a culmination of everything I have been working on myself for the past few years…

<Deep silent soul breath>

A full realization that some of what I was feeling was ON me, and on me only to deal with.

With the simultaneous realization that he is unprepared for me.

It has nothing to do with not wanting to have sex with me. Not desiring me. <for as shitty as it feels to be on the receiving end of it>

More to do with his behavior and projection to the world.

A projection that is fundamentally dissonant from his true self.

He is a good guy…really…but trying too hard to his own demise.

Show yourself man! It’s completely alright! You’re good!

Good enough anyways…after all, aren’t we all just good enough?

I said: “There’s not much to talk about…right?

…I wanted to have sex with you, you didn’t want to have sex with me…I got up, grabbed some wine, my iPod, and am here…

Music soothes me…

You are the one who came here to talk. You must have something to say.”

He said: “I have something to say, but I am not sure what it is yet.”

Sassi: “That seems to happen a lot. I’m not surprised.”

Silence

More silence

Sassi: “Ok, if you are not going to say anything I will put my earphones back on and listen to music. I am not kidding. I think it’s rude to do it, which is why I am sharing it with you.”

Lashes: “It’s not rude, it’s ok. I will talk, after I roll this cigarette, put my pants and jacket on. <Lashes came out in his boxers only, and it was a chilly night>”

Sassi: “It’s rude. I don’t like being rude to people. In fact, I try my best to be as nice as I can to people. ALL THE TIME. TO A FAULT! If there’s somebody you can talk to, who will be completely non-judgmental about whatever…well…that’s me. Even though you seem to think I’m very judgmental.

Listen Lashes, you and I have known each other for just a few weeks. You could not possibly have that much of an impact on me. What were you expecting? For me to be mad at you right now? I’m fine really. It happens…it’s ok. You should know I am quite happy being on my own. Dangerously happy, that is. So, I’ll be fine.

All I know is that I’m in Mallorca, I’m having fun. I’ll be here for another week, and then I go back to Boston. I don’t want this to be a big deal. AT ALL. I feel bad because I know you like traveling, relaxing…so I hope this doesn’t change that for you. I want you to have relaxing fun. Let’s just hang out. Seriously.”

Lashes: <replying to my comment on the impossibility of him having so much of an impact on me> Well, I could have an impact on you…it’s possible. I was expecting you to be a bit mad at me…yes.”

Sassi: “No, I am telling you, you don’t have that much of an impact on me. I know how I feel. I am responsible for how I feel, and only how I feel. You are responsible for how you feel. I am truly not mad at you. Why would I be?”

<more silence. Lashes finishes rolling his cigarette. Puts his pants and jacket on. Comes back out. And is still silent>

Sassi: “Ok, Lashes, you have rolled your cigarette, you are fully dressed, now…TALK!”

Lashes: <very paused speech> “Well…You put a lot of words in my mouth. I feel like you respond negatively to everything I try to tell you. You fire back very quickly, every time. I’m not sure if you do it because you’re reacting negatively to what I’m saying, of if you are just trying to incite more conversation. I think we just communicate very poorly.”

Sassi: “Wow…that’s the first time I am hearing this about how I respond in conversation. But I’ll take it. It is your experience with me, and that’s what matters. First of all, I’m sorry if I made you feel this way. It was not my intention. People usually feel quite comfortable talking to me, so I’m not sure what’s happening here. But you’re right, there were a few times that I did it to incite more conversation. You don’t talk a whole lot, and it’s my only way to get to know you a bit more.”

Lashes: “Yes, I feel like I have to qualify and contextualize most of what I tell you. I probably do this more than most people to begin with, but it seems to happen more with you.”

Sassi: “I think a lot too. Just so you know, like you, I also am used to being on my own most of the time. It’s like 90%. No, more like 95% of alone time, and 5% of blahhhhhh. But when I’m hanging out, I don’t think too much before I talk. I’m relaxing. I talk a lot about crap that doesn’t matter. Most of the time, I am not serious. I am only serious when I need to be. These days, I’m more the type that thinks ‘if you like me, you like me…if you don’t, there’s not a whole lot I can do’, so I usually don’t try too hard (i.e.; qualify what I say)…trying too hard is exhausting. I think I’m getting there. It’s a work in progress.”

Lashes: “The brilliance and danger of a bag of rolling tobacco is that you never seem to run out. You just keep rolling the cigarettes. It’s never ending.”

<As I’m struggling to roll a cigarette, in the dark. Lashes offers me the cigarette he just rolled.>

Sassi: “Thanks. I can roll my own. There’s something about the process that I really like.”

<we smoke a few more cigarettes, in silence. I was really hoping for Lashes to say more things, but he didn’t.

Loud trash trucks in the distance>

Lashes: “I guess the music you are listening to, sounds better than the trash trucks.”

Sassi: “Yes, a little bit. Well…Thank you for coming out to talk, or not talk. I didn’t come out here expecting you to follow me. I thought you were just going to pass out. Seriously. But thank you. It helps. Now, go back to sleep!”

Lashes: “I will, but I want to finish this smoke.”

<He finished. Remained silent. Sat there for another while, and then got up. It was a cloudy chilly night. The breeze was very nice.>

Lashes: “So, how are we doing this? Do you want me to sleep on the other bed, are you going back to our bed…”

Sassi: “No…you can go back to the room we were sleeping in before. I will figure something out. Don’t worry.”

And off he went. I listened to more music. Found myself a warm and cozy blanket to wrap myself in, and I saw the sunrise from the deck of our Mallorcan apartment.

The next day…as promised…we hung out without any obvious tension. We climbed for hours and hours, and then had a wonderful steak dinner.


Happy!

Vibrant colors everywhere!

It is almost as if they were alive and talking to my very soul…Ah…yes…that’s it.

Spikey looking bright red flowers that harmoniously complement the airiness of my long skirt.

Jagged rock formations that dig deep into my calluses with every inched ascent.

Blood dripping down my shin as I stubborn my way up routes too challenging for my ability.

But I made it! Every single time!

Hanging from the top of walls while trying to figure out for the first time how to “clean”, under the pressure of a not so patient teacher.

And then I paused…

I paused and looked around me…

Taking every sensation of my surroundings…smell, tactile, visual, emotional, transcendental…

Capturing it all with words, photographs, and memories.

Virtually impossible.

It is a feeling, or many feelings.

It is a state of mind with all its overwhelming pouring of ecstasy and a deep lying “sadness”.

Not sadness…nostalgia?

The baby sheep feeding on his mother silently reminds me of my own urge to conceive and nourish my own.

Oh…that’s right…that’s where the anxiety comes from…

That spontaneous and life transforming dance that can only be achieved with another being.

Where is he? Where?

I have been patiently waiting…

I have been happily nurturing myself…

I am walking forward…sometimes sideways it seems..but always walking.

I have been in the vicinity of such a presence for fleeting moments.

I felt it in every pore.

But alas!

I am finding myself here, yet again. All over again. Repeating a pattern?

There are countless rotaries in this place.

They seem friendly. But I may have been just going ‘round the same one for a while.

At centrifugal forces.

Can I just spiral out of it?

At this point any tangential direction could work.

After all, it is all beautiful here.

There will be no going wrong.

I will most certainly end up in a vibrantly colored place.

As for now…

My chest feels kind of funny…


Online dating profile: Version 5.0? 12.0?

(this is part of a series of entries that I simply copy and paste the text “as is” from my profile on some crappy online dating website. I will try to update my profile on a weekly basis and see what happens. Let’s see what resonates with people out there.)

Well…there are profiles that will get you a “good’ol” boyfriend who will introduce you to his family, who will fall in love with you, who will buy you that unnecessarily expensive diamond ring…and so on.

I’m assuming the tone of those profiles is mostly sweet and subliminally submissive. They probably appeal, in a very unthreatening manner, to the un-/subconscious male pathos, that…let’s be honest…even in 2014 is always striving to be the Alpha personality in the room. And there is nothing wrong with that…because ladies let’s be honest…we enjoy that thoroughly.

Then…there are profiles like mine. A pure stream of consciousness, devoid of any desire to actually connect with somebody, while in the same time, craving the potential praise for the creativity and uncanny resonance it causes in well…human beings.

I’ll be honest, that I’ve been deliberately playing around with different ways of projecting my personality to the cyber-online-dating-world. Mostly out of fun, and also because of my curious and inquisitive nature.

Or maybe, I’m just a pain in the ass, really!

I’m not advertising my blog here (online dating world), but my stuff is certainly being read more frequently, and by more people, here than anywhere else.

Yes, boys and girls, I am force feeding you my poorly phrased sentences and horribly structured essays. Most likely written while stumbling my way to Bacchus monopolized lands…

Let me get back to my not-so-sweet, not-so-subliminally submissive, blah blah blah personality. Alright! Maybe, I am too “tomboyish”, with my callused hands from crossfit and climbing (oh…and pole dancing), way too flirtatious, definitely an alpha personality, blah blah blah…but…

There is something quite shitty about a girl/woman who’s carefully summoning her sweet powers, and submissive prowess as she seduces the boy across the table from her (assuming they moved their conversation from online to F2F). All this while she plans the next 5 to 10 years of her life with said boy…things like…how big the diamond ring will be, that big wedding she wants so bad, how many children, and the like (ALL ON THE FIRST FEW DATES)…to the complete “ignorance” of poor little boy, who probably just wants to get laid.

When that happens my online dating friends, I’m not sure I want to be that sweet girl, if you know what I mean.

Just kidding! I am not that cynical. But sadly, it does happen.

I’ve considered writing a very sexually-inclined profile, with pictures of me on the pole (which, if I may add, are pretty hot), without any intellectual subtleties, just to see the kinds of guys who respond.

The latter profile falls somewhere on the spectrum of skillfully manipulating the male pathos. It works! And let me tell you…probably better than the “sweet, subdued” personalities. Especially if my goal was to “get laid”, which coincidentally aligns well with the boys primitive motivation. Oh please! Don’t roll your eyes, or stare at the screen like I just said something horrible.

Why do you think a lot of girls spend hours in front of the mirror adjusting that low-cut top, which strategically shows just enough cleavage and part of her blood red bra?

Or the ones that go all the way, and wear low cut jeans, that are so low cut, you can probably see their entire G-string underwear that has that sparkle you can’t take your eyes off of? Underwear? Wut? Forget the underwear…and wear a dress…and let the guy know.

I have a friend that does this very well. I am actually copying some of that “brilliance”, and the sad part is…it yields results. May not be the types of guys I’m looking for…but it works.

ahahahahaha sorry!

So conclusion is…guys either like sweet girls or complete sluts! ahahahah

I AM ONLY KIDDING!

I seriously hope we are a tad more complex than that.

But I definitely do not fall in the “belly” of that bell curve. And, I’m not so sure anymore it is a good thing.

 

 


The Online-dating Single Girl Saga

(this is part of a series of entries that I simply copy and paste the text “as is” from my profile on some crappy online dating website. I will try to update my profile on a weekly basis and see what happens. Let’s see what resonates with people out there.)

<latest profile update on some online dating website> tsk tsk tsk

Hi folks!

As promised, I will be updating this profile from time to time. I get bored of reading the same text over and over again. I know OKC is not a blog, but I will make it so (tsk tsk tsk reminds me of Star Trek :o)

Online dating BLOGGY STYLE 😀

The exposure you get from adding your information and pictures in this thing can get a bit strange, comic, and sometimes creepy. For instance, today I was happily climbing at a gym. I was in such an awesome mood today…feeling relaxed…accomplished…a bit flirtatious. The gym was a bit crowded, the music just loud enough so that you could block it out for concentration, and invite it in for some head bobbing…or who knows…even twerking (not that I did it or anything).

Then, all of a sudden, I felt the urge to look right behind me. It was like a serious gravitational pull. Do you know that unexplainable feeling that you get when somebody is seriously staring at you? Yes, that! So I turned around to see what was UP! Hummm…well…there was somebody indeed looking at me…somebody who looked VERY familiar, but whose face I couldn’t exactly place.

Very puzzled, and still drawn to the familiarity of the face, I turned to the “cave”, ruminated on which boulder problem to tackle, and off I went. Yes! I finished it! Climbed down, and turned EXACTLY to the same familiar male face.

Shit! Of course I know that face. It’s the OKC guy who has been checking my profile every single day, and not messaging me <which I find very strange, and makes me think that it’s his way of prompting me to say “hello”??? his version of “playing hard to get”???>.

I was kind of laughing inside, and a bit disconcerted. So I pretended to be really interested in that boulder problem all the way across the room! ahahahah

As I’m walking to the other side…I kid you not, I saw one more person that is on here in OKC, and has actually initiated contact. So so so strange, and what a small, coincident world it is!

1- I think I may have had two surprise “dates” tonight

2- I guess when you’re on here + there’s any mention of climbing on your profile + you de facto climb = you will run into these situations.

3- I am seriously considering canceling my account yet once again (this time in less than the usual 2 months). I figure, hey, if I’m running into these guys (who seem nice I guess…) I can just approach them the regular old fashioned way…like “Hi! How are you?”. Even easier when you’re climbing “Nice job! You flashed that problem, how did you go from that gaston, to the dyno, to upside down…etc” <yes, this guy I’m talking to has super climbing powers. It’s my imagination, so thank you for not spoiling it!>

That’s all I have for now.


Single and online dating

(this is part of a series of entries that I simply copy and paste the text “as is” from my profile on some crappy online dating website. I will try to update my profile on a weekly basis and see what happens. Let’s see what resonates with people out there.)

It has been wayyyyyy toooo loooonnnggg since I posted something here. It’s a mix of being busy, and just lazy!

What follows below is what I wrote for my profile for an online dating website. I think this whole thing is…is…well…less than ideal. Based on what I’ve heard from friends, observed, and experienced myself, online dating is a very easy way to hook up. Especially the free ones…like the one I am using! ahahahah It’s also rendering boys and girls almost inept to know how to flirt, or recognize flirting anymore. Why would they? There’s no need…go home, check your “inbox” and there will be a line of dates waiting for you.

Alas! I cannot keep going against the current on this one. It’s safe to say that 85-95% of people in my age range date this way. So from time to time, I play with it. As an experiment, I’m going to start writing my profile “blog style”, and will start adding the most outrageous shit, just to see the reaction.

I have quite a lot to say about the dynamics and things like “playing hard to get” in online dating. I will add posts later.

WTF?! 🙂 Really?

Enjoy!

(“Tell me about yourself:

If I were you, I’d skip this whole section. Consider yourself warned.

Third time I have reactivated/reopened my account. It goes something like this:

1- I try this thing for 1 to 2 months to realize it’s not for me. I prefer the visceral face-to-face flirting and randomly meeting people

2- Next, I cancel my profile

3- Then, I question “why am I always going against the grain?”

(I find full bearded men to be pretty awesome) <here is where I’ll start adding off the wall commentary to get a reaction>

4- I feel quite comfortable in that place (#3)…while also flexing my flirting muscles. Side note: Always very interesting to flirt in an “online dating” saturated world. Ah…the long lost art of flirting…

5- I travel a lot, hang out a lot, play hard, oh yes…and work a lot too (kind of ongoing)

(Strong callused hands are nice.)

6- My friends continue to question my rebellion against the binary code dating scene

7- Meanwhile, I’m still delighting myself in #s 3, 4, and 5

8- One of my friends comes over with a bottle of wine, and tells me about Tinder. Tinder what? I ask. Very excited, she proceeds to show me.

We spend the next several minutes on her phone, flipping through the pictures of dozens of guys who live within a 100-mile radius of her zip code. While sipping a few glasses of wine.

(I like adding interesting facts to this thing) <ok…this is the first version of this experiment. Version 2.0 will probably have some wildly explicit text>

Our selection process involves spending half of a second on each picture, then swiping to the next picture.

We had the occasional “oopsie” moments, followed by lots of giggling. The backwards swipes that were simple finger twitches, and not necessarily a love declaration. And the forward slides that were meant for a “coffee/beer date”, and which we tried to bring back to her phone screen with that backwards slide, to realize that “backwards” in Tinder, is not the same as the “<–” on a browser…even worse…we had just “liked” a butt naked guy for a conversation. I’m sure my friend will enjoy our mistakes…

I am not usually this cruel. I promise.

(I have a pole in my house, that I haven’t used in a while since I hurt my shoulder)

I digress…

Where did I stop? #8…

Playing Tinder on my friend’s phone was entertaining. My friend encouraged me to sign up, but I guess you need a facebook page, which I also cancelled a few months ago. So…yes…not happening. Besides, I saw a lot of the same people there as here…what a small world. :o)

(I might be moving to Colorado in a few months)

9- I decided to swim with the currents for now so I rejoined OKC. It is faster right?

I’m really good at:

Day dreaming that I am an awesome climber, dancer, crossfitter, quadrupedal “mover”, shredding guitar player with an amazing voice, humanitarian philanthropist.

And then working hard on refining my skills to get closer to above-mentioned sur/Realistic dreams. (All but guitar playing 😦 one day…one day)

On a typical Friday night I am:

Everywhere and nowhere. Yes, right there.

Lately? Traveling somewhere for work or fun or both…asking my friends to flip through their Tinder profiles while under the influence to see if I backward swipe more often.

Getting really good at packing efficiently

The most private thing I’m willing to admit: ——> SERIOUSLY?

Absolutely not! 🙂

You should message me if: 

you want to. Why else? 🙂

) THE END