This is what it is…

<sweetest bull dog>, Amor, Lindo, Gostosinho!

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Feliz Aniversario!

I don’t really know where to begin.

I’m not sure if you knew this but I daydream a lot <read…constantly…it’s a mystery how I get things done in my life. Really!>

For me, daydreaming is such a great and fun way to think up ridiculously utopic ideas, to find myself in completely off-the-wall wild situations, to live absolutely “cheesy” romantic moments (yep…that’s right!) and experience everything that is latent in my experience. Well…since I met you I’ve been finding myself in the space(s) between being awake and daydreaming. Let me see if I can explain…

I find my thoughts wandering through the pleasant, calming and ecstatic emotions of daydreaming about being with a man I love, desire, respect and admire while simultaneously experiencing reciprocation.

With eyes wide open, I daydream that this man is virile and gentle, intelligent and goofy, nerdy and a bad ass, wants me but doesn’t need me, is supportive and understanding yet can put me in my place…a man who can see through my insecurities…witnesses my crazies and ugglies…and who sees and is curiously perplexed by the essence of “me”.

As I vividly experience these (non-serial) series of moments, concocted by yours truly, I transition in and out of that awesomeness that my subconscious so kindly graces me with to find that I am actually living it.

Being with you and loving you is morphing those “spaces” together. I didn’t think it was possible. This is that space between being awake and daydreaming that I mentioned earlier. It’s that feeling of “pinching oneself” and quickly shaking your head from side to side in happy disbelief…as in…”did you just see that?”. It’s that feeling of “is this real?” The feeling of “fear that it is a fleeting reality” The naïve feeling of “oh my! Could my incessant daydreaming have caused this man to actually exist?” (I may need to run some trials on this one J).

I don’t know what this is…and I don’t need to explain it. All I know is that you are in my life and I’m experiencing moments that I had only daydreamed about in the past. Thank you.

I love you, like my mind does when it wanders through some ridiculously crazy adventures…wades through all the ”cheese”…and continues to push forward in complete curiosity.

Thank you!

Happy Birthday!


Sassi the Spider


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