This shit has control over me!
No matter how “above it all” I may think of myself, there’s that little, thing that I completely surrender to!
How can I keep it up with all the kipping, Turkish get up, back squatting, cleans, and jerks action???????
How in the fuckin’ world can I possibly keep I up?
I M P O S S I B L E
This is a true testament to “self hate”, and I am completely ashamed of it!
Where is the girl with all her high self-esteem, cockiness, hard-assness…assertiveness…health?
It doesn’t matter! I am fuckin’ shit! So angry right now!
Where are you, little while pill?
Certainly, the purple liquid is not helping me right now…maybe it’s helping me numb myself in this very moment…
Man! All the imperfections, in a sea of unbelievable awesomeness, are coming alive right now…I want to cry right now, but just as hard as I try to compress my eyelids, there’s nothing coming out!
I’m so disappointed!
I am probably very angry…angry at something I haven’t identified yet.
The cement-smokey-bitter-like after taste in my buds are a clear reminder of my weakness and utter shittiness.
I feel lost…and yes…it could be the entire bottle of fermented goodness that I have managed to ingest (and continue to), but there’s got to be some underlying shit going on here.
What THE fuck is it?
I welcome the idea of meeting this elusive “reason” for my uneasiness. And yet…it has declined my invitation…like so many other things…
I am awkward. I can’t seamlessly insert myself into anything. Well, I can…but what a fuckin’ effort it is!
Why do I project so much? So many questions, and so much misunderstanding…
I am feeling…for once in my life…(and really fighting to admit to it)…alone…not lonely…just alone…which is so untrue…but it doesn’t matter what the reality is…it matters only what my reality is.
so fuck you!