Monthly Archives: August 2013

Pulse check. No pulse. Stand back! Clear! (shabooom)

<flat line (continuous beep)

Clear!

Shaboommm

wavy line (intermittent beeps)

Clear!

No! Wait! We’ve jolted her back to life!>

Yes…I am here! No need for more shocks! I am here!

I’m confused. There’s a lot of noise. Lots of voices. After all, I’ve just raised from the ashes at lightning forces. I can still smell the burning flesh.

Don’t reach for that phone to dial 911 yet. I’m not hallucinating. I don’t actually have endless number of voices in my head. Just a few. Gosh!

Shit! In the midst of this sonorous fleeting reality, I am still thinking about him. Traces of his face flash before my eyes. I blink to make it go away.

His graceful movements make my eyes dance in my skull. I slam shut my eyes to stop the choreography.

Nothing seems to work. I succeed for a while, but sure enough, he’s right there all over again. In his robotic self. Rationing his presence. With his scarcity of words. With his distant, yet fixed stare.

What the fuck!?

This is straight up crazy! Or am I just bored?

My life has been pretty chill, adventurous, and just overall cool. I can’t complain about it much.

And yet, there’s a sense of uneasiness inside of me, which recently began to poke my soul once again.

As always, I turn <in-to> myself. It’s more like turning myself inside out, trying to expose my viscera, with all its tiny folds and crevices, and fungus and bacteria…and blood, and bile.

I know the risks! These layers are not made to be exposed to the open air. Do you know how dangerous that can be? There are countless parasitic creatures just waiting to latch on to the freshly exposed…perispirit.

I suppose the immunizing effect is also very beneficial. Besides, most of that seemingly unfriendly non-matter, already lives inside that same body, under the disguise of self-improvement. Oh the self-criticism, self-doubts…stupid existentialism.

That shit can be silently corrosive.

That shit can be graciously edifying.

Did I mention I’m a bit confused today? Or for the past few days?

For as intensely as I live, why the fuck do I feel so numb and useless right now?

All fleeting realities…yes…but why?

<flat line (continuous beep)

Not again! Stand back!

Clear!

Shaboommm!

(continuous beep)

Clear!

Zapppppppppp

(continuous beep)

Stay with me!

Clear!

Shaboom!

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep>


Lazy ass!

I have not written as much as I’d like. Well…at least not here. 😉

There are so many things to write about. I’ll make a list for now, and just need to get off my ass…or maybe stay on it a I type away.

1- My second trip to Colorado and first multi-pitch climb

2- My US citizenship

3- My new, and huge, and crazy tattoo that hurt like a bitch to get and still need another good 8 hours to go

4- I am embarrassed to admit to this one…but here it goes…my first attempt at the infamous online dating world. Yikes! I don’t like it! 🙂  😦

5- My ongoing encounters with “Angel”. This guy has indirectly met my entire family (almost). Why do I like him so much? No! Not because he’s an asshole! In fact, he is the opposite of douche! Damn it!

6- Shooting pole dance video for a friend of mine. The name of the song you ask…”Sexual Superhero” It’s going to kick ass

7- My silent and ongoing questions about going for a PhD

I am feeling rather unmotivated to write right now. Uninspired… 😦